File This Under Lost Chances and Unfulfilled Desires, or Oh, Dear God, I'm Getting Old!
Why am I feeling so down, you ask? Well, it's my birthday in a couple of days, and it seems that each year it hits me a little harder. I'm older than many of you, so it tends to give me a bit more pause as each year flies by. I can't help but think of what might have been, what I didn't do that I wish I had, opportunities and chances that came and went, sometimes slipping right through my fingers.
So take my advice, whatever it is you're wanting, do it now, say it now, while you're young. It only gets harder the older you are.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to go back and do it again, and I don't really regret all that much. In fact, I've done some pretty wonderful things over the years that I'd never trade. It's just that there are a few things I'll never get the chance to do again. *sigh*
Oh my god, I'm good and sad. Have I brought you down with me? I found at least 30 songs in my library that convey the mixed-up, wistful feelings I'm having today. To put them all up might be overkill (ya think?), so I've winnowed them down to the most pertinent. I promise I'll be cheerier tomorrow. I'll try, anyway. Word to the wise: pms + approaching birthday = an extremely bad case of the birthday blues.
Andrew Bird--"The Happy Birthday Song" mp3 off The Mysterious Production of Eggs (buy)
Death Cab For Cutie--"Death of an Interior Decorator" mp3 off Transatlanticism (buy)
Carly Simon--"It Was So Easy" mp3 off No Secrets (buy)
Los Lobos--"Is This All There Is?" mp3 off The Ride (buy)
The Amazing Pilots--"All My Wasted Days" mp3 off Hello My Captor (buy)
Ben Folds Five--"Regrets" mp3 off The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner (buy)
Cursive--"Dorothy at Forty" mp3 off Happy Hollow (buy)
Modest Mouse--"One Chance" mp3 off Good News for People Who Love Bad News (buy)
Maria Taylor--"One for the Shareholder" mp3 off 11:11 (buy)
Shawn Colvin--"If I Were Brave" mp3 off A Few Small Repairs (buy)
Remy Zero--"Bitter" mp3 off The Golden Hum (buy)
Check it out--you can download the whole thing in a zip file: unf 1.zip
"if i were brave" is one of my all time favorite "bad place" songs. *sigh*
i'm glad some one else understands.
ah, yes, my favorite lines being the part about "how long do you sit . . .
like you're waiting for godot . . . before you pick your sorry ass up off
the street and go . . ."
Your words strike me because I have a great memory of a time something
quite similar slipped out of my mouth. I was a new mom, and ran into an
older friend of mine with her 20-something daughter and son. The daughter
asked me what it was like to be a mom, since she was thinking about it, and
I quickly said, "I have one piece of advice. If there's anything you've
ever wanted to do in your life that you haven't done yet, do it now, before
you have kids." Her mom looked at me and said, "But that's true any time."
thank you so much. your friend is quite wise, indeed. i hope we both get to
do all--ok, at least some--of the things we still want to do. : )
Happy Birthday! Think of it this way, you're making quite a few people
pretty happy with this blog. I had a very strange birthday this year too,
which was hard, but I hope things look up for you.
i'd say i'm already not nearly as depressed as i was when i wrote this.
thanks, everybody, for the kind words and wishes. maybe this is simply the
year of the strange birthday?
I found what you had to say matched my mood for pretty much the past year.
I've been wanting to get it down on paper - or my blog - but couldn't get
it out. So thank you for sharing. What's really got me sighing and
reflecting though is my son's upcoming wedding. He's 25, so that gives you
some idea of my age, (eliminating the possibility that I was promiscuous as
a teenager, however). I'm just having the hardest time with the whole
thing. I'm happy for him, but . . . it's another chapter in my life over,
I guess. And do I know that the unwritten chapters to come will be full of
their own surprises, joys,etc. Yes. But right now I'm just feeling sorry
for all that's past.
you know, as much as we intellectually know that our job as parents is to
prepare them to leave home, be on their own, when they arrive at certain
milestones, the feeling is a bittersweet one. it reminds you so much of
what has been and never will be again, and that they don't need you (as
much) any more. so even though it means you did your job and did it well,
it can be sad at the same time. something i never appreciated before i had
kids, that's for sure!
that los lobos song is that all there is...
is that the Peggy Lee song?
the one that was featured in the movie Afer Hours
where paul spends his last quarter to play that song?
no, it's not. actually, it's "is THIS all there is," and it's a very
different song. i know that peggy lee song but i don't have it. sorry!
hey, austin, thanks. she's coming out with a new album on march 6th. : )
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