I have a not-so-secret admirer at work. He's a patient of ours and he's got a thing for me. It's flattering, creepy and sad all at the same time.

     Flattering because, honestly, who wouldn't like to be told that you're a "beautiful specimen of a woman" or that someone wants to "wrap his arms around you and squeeze you"? Even if it's coming from someone old enough to be your father who uses a walker and doesn't bathe regularly--it's kind of an ego boost.

     On the other hand, it's kind of creepy, because he says these sorts of things all the time and usually right in front of his wife. Now, I don't feel threatened by him at all, although if he were 30 years younger and fully ambulatory it might be a different story. Nonetheless, it is what you might call highly inappropriate behavior, to say the least.

     But mostly it's sad. Sad because I bet that inside, he doesn't feel like a nearly 80-year-old decrepit man. I bet he feels much younger than he is and when he looks in the mirror, he doesn't see what I see when I look at him. He probably sees himself in his heyday, back when he might have held some appeal for someone. And I can't help but think, isn't that the way we're all going to see ourselves one day? Not as the wizened, wrinkled, gray shadows of our former selves that we've become, but as the vibrant, youthful, strong selves we once were. That thought makes me feel a little bit less creeped out by him and have a little more understanding. A little.

Damien Rice--"Creep (Live Radiohead Cover)" mp3 off Today FM, Ireland 22.06.2005

secret admirer card from here.

     Okay, I don't actually have a new Broken Social Scene song for you, but I have most excellent news: BSS is coming out with a new album May 4th! I cannot begin to tell you how happy this makes me.

     I've been waiting a loooooooooong time for this, as have the rest of you. The last album they released was Broken Social Scene and that was in 2005. They've put out various solo works (Kevin Drew, Brendan Canning) but they haven't recorded a proper one en masse in five years. So until the as-yet-untitled record comes out and/or we get a preview/promo song to share, here's one of my all-time favorites to tide us over. Turn it up!

Broken Social Scene--"KC Accidental" mp3 off You Forgot It in People (buy)

     They're also going out on tour. Check this page for cities and dates. If there is a god in heaven, I will see you at Webster Hall.

     I'm a big fan of Australia's Sally Seltmann, otherwise known as New Buffalo. Her last album, Somewhere, Anywhere, was my number 4 album of 2007. It was utterly unpredictable, full of lovely melodies, moving lyrics and intricate touches that surprised me at every turn. I've been waiting patiently for her to come out with something new ever since.

     Well, according to Arts and Crafts records, we can expect her new record, Heart That's Pounding, in April. It will be released under her real name, not New Buffalo. There's one song off it making the rounds and I like it. It's a little more full-band sounding than the last one. It's slightly more on the sweet side, too (it is a love song, after all) but I'm going to wait and see what the rest of it sounds like before I make any judgments.

     That's the drawback of hearing only one song off an album--you can make up your mind prematurely and then miss out on something because you thought you didn't like it. Conversely, you can also be disappointed because you expected the rest to sound like the promo! Either way, I'm sure I'm going to buy it when it comes out.

Sally Seltmann--"Harmony to my Heartbeat" mp3 off Heart That's Pounding (buy--comes out in April but you can get the single on iTunes now)

     Get this--I heard that there is so little snow in Vancouver, BC, that they're going to have to truck it in for the Olympics. Not only is there no snow forecast before the games begin, but it's also too warm to make snow. What a huge job that's going to be, eh?

The Books--"Getting the Done Job" mp3 off Thought for Food (buy)

Josiah Wolf--"The Truck and the Trailer" mp3 off Jet Lag (buy)

     I was listening to The World on PRI the other night and they were talking about the dire situation in Haiti. One of the major problems has been communications--phones, both landline and cell, were knocked out, as were internet, blackberry service, even satellites--making it very difficult to relay information and direct people to where help was most needed.

     There was one thing that remained viable, however, and that was the radio. Plain old regular terrestrial radio. The main station in Port-au-Prince has been on the air 24 hours a day since the earthquake and has been a lifeline for the people. Everyone uses it, from residents looking for family and friends to relief organizations to government officials. It's the thread that's been holding the city together for the past two weeks.

     It moved me, for some reason. I mean, here we are, we think we're so sophisticated and we'd all be lost without our cell phones and iphones and twitter and whatever else it is we think we can't live without, but the thing that's saving the day in the midst of the devastation is old school radio. Free and available to anyone who has a receiver and some batteries to put in it. Sometimes the most basic things tie us together and get us through and that's worth remembering.

Cloud Cult--"Transistor Radio" mp3 off Advice From the Happy Hippopotamus (buy)

Amanda Palmer--"On the Radio (Regina Spektor Cover, Live)" mp3  

The Concretes--"On the Radio" mp3 off In Colour (buy)

p.s. I asked my youngest daughter to help me choose the illustration for this post and when I showed her the pictures she said, "I don't know what that is." On the off chance you don't either, here is a little info from a photo dictionary (another cool concept, btw). 

p.p.s. If you've never heard that Cloud Cult song, I strongly urge you to listen to it. It still gives me chills.

     My boss is too funny. She likes to make up sayings in hopes that they will someday become famous and everyone will use them. One of my current favorites of hers is "I'm not gonna lie." She claims to have created "that's hot," but we're not sure about that one. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago she came up with "good stuff" and I promised her I would start using it and give her the credit. So here you go, I'm here to tell you about some really "good stuff" that's shown up in my inbox lately.

     And I'm not gonna lie, I have a thing for Norwegians. Ever since members of the Norwegian swim team lived in the dorm next to mine my freshman year of college, I've thought all things Norwegian are pretty cool. This band is from Oslo, Norway, and I really like their cool, layered indie-pop sound. It's good stuff.

Monzano--"Cold Waters" mp3 off By This Time Last Year Every Thing Will Seem Younger (buy)

Monzano--"Yes We Can't" mp3 off By This Time Last Year Every Thing Will Seem Younger

     Wow, where to start. I wish I were the kind of blogger who could break new bands and declare them "the next big thing." If I were, I'd be all about The Society Islands. So let's just pretend I have such influence and now the whole world knows about this band and this wonderful record.

     Technically, it's not a band but one extremely talented young man from Cologne, Germany. According to his website, Boris Rogowski recorded Last Hero of the Western World by himself in a basement room of an old factory. You'd never know it. The sound is so rich and full and mesmerizing (I think he really did find the sweet spot in the room) that you'd swear it was produced in a full-fledged studio by some very experienced hands.

     Of course what you really want to know is, what does it sound like? Well, for as much as I write about music, I'm not very good at describing it sometimes. I find that when other people use labels like "chamber pop" it applies to a lot of stuff I like, so call this chamber-ish, especially if that means it sounds like a tiny orchestra is in the room. But it's more complex and varied than that. I mean, I think I hear banjos and there are acoustic guitars and electronic flourishes and his voice is deep and rich and more expressive than I expected. He can go from delicate and sparse to flat-out anthemic. It's got a lot to offer.

     Honestly, what I love about a record like this is that it never goes where I think it's going to go, and that's a very good thing in my book. As I listen to it I think, Oh, this is my favorite song. But then the next one comes on and I'm like, No, this is my favorite. It's like that. Needless to say, choosing a song to feature was extremely difficult!

The Society Islands--"In Cold Blood" mp3 off Last Hero of the Western World (buy--you can sample more songs in the audio section at his website, which I highly recommend you do)

     Seems like Canada's got some terrific bands roaming around the great white north. Martha and the Muffins is one of them. If you're old like me, you might remember them as a new wave outfit from back in the late 70s, early 80s. Delicate is their first album in 18 years, so if you don't recall them from their previous incarnation, don't feel bad.

     This album is really good. I loved in on first listen. The promo single, "Mess," is funky and rhythmic and immediately gets your body moving, but it's actually the slower more introspective songs I'm really drawn to. It's a nicely varied record and while it pays its respects to the good old days, it's most definitely of the here and now.

Martha and the Muffins--"Mess" mp3 off Delicate (buy--comes out February 2nd)

     I mentioned the other day that I "had" to make a mixtape because I lost a bet and I put up a few songs from it. After thinking about it (and asking a few friends), I decided to go ahead and post the whole thing. So here it is in its entirety. I call it "Snow Mix." How original is that? It's not got much to do with snow, actually, but I didn't know what else to call it!

The Sweet Serenades--"Mona Lee" mp3 off Balcony Cigarettes (buy)

The Long Winters--"Hindsight" mp3 off Putting the Days to Bed (buy)

Alaska in Winter--"Dance Party in the Balkans" mp3 off Dance Party in the Balkans (buy)

The Second Band--"The Urgency of Now" mp3 off The Definite Form (buy)

Big Sir--"Eastside Westside Blue" mp3 off Und Die Scheibe Andert Sich Immer (buy)

The Mint Chicks--"Walking Off a Cliff Again" mp3 off Crazy? Yes! Dumb? No! (buy)

Dead Heart Bloom--"Come Back" mp3 off Fall In (buy)

The Helio Sequence--"Hallelujah" mp3 off Keep Your Eyes Ahead (buy)

Real Estate--"Beach Comber" mp3 off Real Estate (buy)

Kathryn Williams--"Come With Me" mp3 off Modern Muses Vol. 1 (buy)

Case Hardin--"Cold 'n' Old" mp3 off Some Tunes for Charlie Spencer (buy)

Bjorn Kleinhenz--"Lightness (Death Cab for Cutie Cover)" mp3 off Home Recordings 2007 (buy)

Unikorus--"At Night We Die (Bjorn Kleinhenz Cover)" mp3 off Quietly Happy and Deep Inside Remixes and Covers (buy)

Hawksley Workman--"Maniacs" mp3 off For Him and the Girls (buy)

Haley Bonar--"Us" mp3 off Lure the Fox (buy)

Miracles of Modern Science--"Luminol" mp3 off Miracles of Modern Science (buy)

Perhapst--"Harbour" mp3 off Perhapst (buy)

Fanfarlo--"Luna" mp3 off Reservoir (buy)

Hawksley Workman--"Sweet Hallelujah" mp3 off For Him and the Girls (buy)

absolutely perfect snow pic from here

     I don't know what it is about this song, but I can't stop listening to it. The tenderness, the chords, her voice--they're gripping my heart and won't let go.

     Naturally, this means I have to share it with you.

Haley Bonar--"Us" mp3 off Lure the Fox (buy)

     A couple of weeks ago we had a major snowstorm. I'm talking over a foot of snow. That doesn't happen very often where I live. In fact, usually the weather people get so hyped up about an impending storm that they way overestimate the snowfall amount and sometimes they even get the entire thing wrong. For the past 15 years or so I've become quite the skeptic and my motto regarding snow has been "I'll believe it when I see it."

     So at the start of the storm, a friend and I made a bet about the total accumulation and the prize would be a mixtape. I lost the bet--I guessed low--and so I'm making him the mixtape. Of course, I don't consider it a loss, because there aren't many other things I love more than making mixtapes, except maybe really big snowstorms!

     In the process of putting it together, I've come across some songs that I haven't heard in a while and I thought I'd share a few with you. Enjoy!

Miracles of Modern Science--"Luminol" mp3 off Miracles of Modern Science (buy--actually, you can download the EP free)

Hawksley Workman--"Sweet Halleluja" mp3 off For Him and the Girls (buy) He's got a new album, Meat, coming out this month and For Him and the Girls is being re-released as it was never available in the U.S. before.

Perhapst--"Harbour" mp3 off Perhapst (buy) This is the drummer from The Decemberists, in case you were wondering.

     I think I've said this before, but I'm not big on New Year's resolutions--at least not your typical ones--and I don't usually make them. This year is different, though, and I've come up with one I really want to do.

     I've realized that I waste a lot of brain power thinking about useless crap and I want to change that. See, a couple of years ago when I was so depressed, I was pretty much unable to think about anything other than myself. My problems were all-consuming and I had very little mental energy left over to think about anything else. To be honest, that was one of the worst things about being depressed, the way my focus narrowed and my world became so small that all I could think about was me.

     My depression has since lifted and I've been able to get out of my head a lot more, but in doing so I've come to a unsettling realization. I've developed a bad habit or pattern of dwelling on stupid and mundane things and not spending my mental time very wisely. And so although it's a positive thing that I'm no longer completely obsessed with myself, I find that I'm not using my newly available brain capacity for much of anything worthwhile. In other words, now that I actually have room to do some deeper thinking, I'm not doing any.

     Which leads me to my resolution. I hereby resolve to stop sleepwalking through life and to use my mental powers for better (I was going to say "for good" but that seems a little self-important). Anyway, I resolve to think more deeply about meaningful things and to nourish my brain with stimulating, substantive content. I've managed not to be as self-absorbed but I definitely need to go further and actively think about things that matter.

     I suppose all this still sounds very self-serving and "me me me," but it helps me process thoughts to write things out and share them (hence the blog). And in the spirit of sharing, this poem illustrates the kind of awake mental state I'm striving for. It's from a book of poems selected by Garrison Keillor called Good Poems and is by William Stafford. I especially like the last stanza.

     It's been difficult to come up with a suitable song for this resolution, so I'm not even going to try. Instead I'm going to play a song that I just heard for the first time on the contrast podcast festive fifty countdown and fell instantly in love with. I hope you enjoy it and I wish you a very Happy New Year.

The Avett Brothers--"I and Love and You" mp3 off I and Love and You (buy)

A Ritual to Read to Each Other

     I'm not doing a "best of" or "top ten" list this year. Not only am I not up to it, but about half way through the year I stopped listening to as much music as I had been and as a result, I simply don't have ten albums that I listened to straight through on a regular basis. I don't feel like I can recommend an album as an album if I haven't really listened to and loved the whole thing, so according to my own standards, I simply can't do it this year.

     It doesn't really affect my choice for favorite album of the year, though. That has been set since last January, when it came out. I loved Andrew Bird's Noble Beast from the moment I heard it, which, funnily enough, happened to be in reverse order, because I'd imported it into my itunes and the stupid thing always does it so it plays the last song first.

     Anyway, I loved it then and I love it now. It's seamless and I never get sick of playing it. I hear new things in it all the time. It's very difficult to pick one song to illustrate its complexity and inventiveness and beauty, but I think "Not a Robot, But a Ghost" will give you a taste of what appeals to me so much about his music.  The words, especially, when he sings: "We don't want this anymore / I crack the codes, you end the war," are a plea to be released from a long struggle. The chords are plaintive and pull on each other in a deep desire to be done with something painful while the unusual percussion gives it hope.

     I saw him interviewed a while back and he described his music as being his way of encouraging himself, of telling himself that it'll be better, eventually, and that's exactly what I take away from it. I don't always understand the words and what he means by them, but I certainly get the vulnerable spirit of the music and the longing and honesty in his voice.

Andrew Bird--"Not a Robot, But a Ghost" mp3 off Noble Beast (buy)

     My runner-up album this year would be Fanfarlo's Reservoir, a thoroughly lovely record. "I'm a Pilot," the opening track, was one of my favorite songs of the year and I got to introduce it on this year's Festive Fifty countdown on the contrast podcast. It came in at number 7, so I'm thinking a lot of other people agreed with me about it. If you'd like to see what the top fifty songs as chosen by contrast podcast listeners and contributors were, check them out here: part one, part two, part three.

     I sure hope Santa wasn't watching, because I was a bad girl at the grocery store today.

     After waiting in line nearly ten minutes for the elderly, scooter-confined person in front of me to figure out how the fuck to use the debit card thingy, I nearly lost it on the bag-boy. He was standing there in a stupor, not putting any stuff in the bags and I said to him, "Dude, you're gonna have to pick up the pace here." He looked at me kind of cross-eyed and said, "I'm off in like, one minute." Seriously, that's what he said. And then he commenced to do nothing. At that point I wanted to scream and I swear to god, if my husband hadn't been there, I think I would have smacked him. Instead I just said, "Well I'm in a hurry, so could you please do something?!" And then I had to leave. I actually walked away and left my husband in line to deal with it.

     So like I said, I was a bad girl today. Here are some rammy Christmas songs as my atonement. Enjoy.

The Long Blondes--"Christmas Is Cancelled" mp3

And What Will Be Left of Them? --"Have Yourself a Filthy Little Christmas" mp3 off Have Yourself a Filthy Little Christmas (buy)

Ben Folds --"Bizarre Christmas Incident" mp3 off Maybe This Christmas (buy)

Half Man Half Biscuit--"All I Want For Christmas Is a Dukla Prague Away Kit" mp3 off Back in the DHSS/The Trumpton Riots EP (buy)

Jet Boys--"Merry Christmas, Fuck You" mp3 off Happy Birthday Jesus Vol. 1 (buy)

The Ramones--"Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight)" mp3 off Hey Ho Let's Go! (buy)

     Should you find yourself in need of some stress relief this Christmas, check out the many varieties of the Santa Claus Stress Ball here.

     Hello at long last! Without going into too many details, I've been experiencing technical difficulties and haven't been able to access my computer in 11 days. It was driving me crazy.  My troubles have since been resolved, however, and now I am back in business. Plus I got a lovely new monitor (even though we realized that wasn't the problem after all), so I'm not complaining any more!

     Actually, I've been dying to put up some Christmas music, for whatever reason. Probably because I couldn't! Doesn't really matter, I suppose. What matters is that I felt like doing it, so I will. Of course, it's kind of gloomy music, but that's okay, right? Someone has to provide the melancholy and it might as well be me.

Casiotone for the Painfully Alone--"Cold White Christmas" mp3 off Etiquette (buy)--This one's been rolling around my head for two weeks now but I couldn't remember who it was by. Now that I can get into my itunes, I see that it's by Casiotone for the Painfully Alone. I love the forlorn feeling it gives me and his unforced, laconic way of singing.

Frightened Rabbit--"It's Christmas So We'll Stop" mp3 off It's Christmas So We'll Stop 2008 (buy)--Just hearing Scott Hutchinson's voice makes me feel better, even though this is not a cheerful song. They've got a new album coming out early next year and I can't wait.

Rosie Thomas--"Christmas Time Is Here" mp3 off Peace on Earth: A Charity Holiday Album 2007 (buy) I love this song. I can actually play it on the piano, although not very well. But she does such a graceful, lovely rendition of it that I have to share it.

     I used to be able to manage faking it 'til you make it or acting "as if" until I could feel whatever it was that I was "supposed" to be feeling. But that's gotten harder to do over the years.

     In this context I guess I'm really talking about the advent of Christmas. For the past several years I find I've gone through the same thing: I push my way through Thanksgiving and then cross my fingers in the hopes that the festive seasonal trappings will inspire me to feel the joy and happy anticipation I'm waiting and wanting to feel, but it doesn't happen quite that easily. Mostly I feel overwhelmed and stressed that I won't get everything done in time and I don't feel any warm, wonderful feelings. It's become a chore to get through, not something to celebrate.

     I can't chuck it, obviously, because I have three children and it's very important to them that Christmas "is and always will be." But it's hard sometimes. It was easier when I was more spiritually inclined, frankly, because I really believed in the "magic" and "wonder" of Christmas and I loved the music and the story. It meant a lot to me. But I've lost that over the last few years and I'm not able to embrace the traditional aspects like I used to. It's like that part of me is in deep hibernation.

     So until I get back that feeling, I'm going to have to fake it 'til I make it, for their sakes and for mine. Wish me luck!

Sambassadeur--"Days" mp3 off Days (buy)

Vanaprasta--"Something Better" mp3 off Healthy Geometry (buy--comes out in 2010)

     I know I've heard a couple of El Perro Del Mar's songs before, probably over at the torture garden, but until now none of them spoke to me like this one does. It's haunting and slightly dancy at the same time and her voice is so lovely. She has a new album out called Love Is Not Pop and this tune appears on it, as well as on Scandinavian Gold.

El Perro Del Mar--"Change of Heart" mp3 off Love Is Not Pop (buy)

     My husband just installed a new microwave and a couple of weeks ago he fixed the oven, so I haven't got any more excuses for not cooking.

     I don't like to cook. I don't hate it (well, maybe a little), but it certainly doesn't bring me much pleasure. I know there are a lot of you who really enjoy it. It relaxes you, it gives you a creative outlet, you do it to show others you love them. Intellectually I know that it can provide these wonderful feelings, but not for me.

     That said, however, I was just telling my kids that looking back, I wish I'd listened to and learned more from my mother when she cooked. She didn't make anything fancy, mind you, but she made certain dishes that I crave as an adult and I don't have any way to find out exactly how she made them. Stuffed cabbages, for instance. She'd spend all day making them and I could have cared less at the time, but every once in a while I get a really strong desire for them and I wish I knew how she did it.

     What about recipes, you may ask. Well, she didn't leave me any recipes. She didn't use them. She cooked from her head. She tried to get me to pay attention and watch her but I used to do pretty much anything to get out of doing it. I'd pretend I couldn't hear her calling me to the kitchen or I'd yell back unintelligible words and then just keep on doing whatever I was doing. I just couldn't be bothered.

     I mentioned this to my kids the other day when I was making my famous pumpkin roll, because they love it but they never come in the kitchen and watch me make it or ask if they can learn. I basically told them that one day they'd regret not learning how to do it, but they looked at me with the same kind of glazed-over tolerance that I used to give my mother and promptly went back to whatever they were doing. Sigh. Serves me right, I guess. My own unhappy cooking karma coming back to bite me!

Old Man Luedecke--"Joy of Cooking" mp3 off The Artel, Kingston, 16 March 2007

Star Club West--"Karma" mp3 off Oh Dry Blue Menthol (buy)